


of prufrock and other love songs

by pagdiwa (neko11lover)



Category: BTOB
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, References to Depression, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 15:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15076433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko11lover/pseuds/pagdiwa
Summary: Eunkwang has a voice that begs to be heard, and Hyunsik has enough music in him to last multiple lifetimes.(Alternatively: They manage a PC-bang.)





	of prufrock and other love songs

**Author's Note:**

> hi, nothing really happens here, and i’m sorry.

-

  
  
  


The PC-bang they manage has 50 units. It stands a fifteen-minute walk from a subway station and a ten-minute walk from a middle school. It’s in an area where the urban is _almost_ suburban, accessible enough to be business, and hidden enough to be home.

Eunkwang’s father opened it around two and half years ago. He’s a man full of ideas and limited time, and the PC-bang is the first of the endless business ideas of his that actually came to fruition. Its modest success comes from the luck of being the first of its kind within the vicinity of the middle school. (Eunkwang would disagree and say it’s all because of his and Hyunsik’s top-notch management skills and good looks.)

He named the PC-bang _Brother Act_ , hoping that Eunkwang and his younger brother would manage it eventually - except that Eunchong ended up managing a café, instead. _It’s still the perfect name, though_ , Eunkwang’s father said when he’s moved on to other things and when Hyunsik replaced Eunchong a few days after he left. _Hyunsik-ah is an honorary Seo._

“How is uncle, anyway?” Hyunsik asks, parking himself and his broom in front of Eunkwang’s control station. He leans over and grabs the open bag of chips by Eunkwang’s side.

“Good,” Eunkwang replies through munches. He swallows and grins up at the younger, all teeth and dimpled cheeks and eye smiles. “He’s into mushrooms these days.”

“Mushrooms?”

“Yep. He built this shed on grandma’s backyard in Gwacheon. He’s growing them himself. Says he really wants to be hands-on this time.” The grin has toned down as he refocuses back on his screen. Hyunsik can see the colors of an already-familiar arcade game reflected on his face. “Not a problem with me, though. I don’t really wanna grow fungi.” He sticks out his tongue and makes a face.

“How is it?”

“You tell me.”

“What?”

“You’re eating them,” Eunkwang supplies. “The mushrooms. He made those himself.”

“Hyung.” Hyunsik stares at the bag in his hands, and then back at Eunkwang. “This is amazing.”

  
  
  
  


It’s a generally quiet, uneventful job, managing _Brother Act_.

Eunkwang and Hyunsik have been working together for almost two years now, on top of the years they’ve known each other. Years of an unexpected friendship that began when Hyunsik joined the same music club Eunkwang was part of in university. Things somehow _just happened_ and, out of the club’s many members, _he_ ended up being part of a trio who did occasional busking in Hongdae.

It’s funny, really, how things work out.

“They’re at it again,” Eunkwang mouths dramatically as he approaches the control station. It’s just a few more hours until the night shift part-timers come in, and Eunkwang looks _grieved_. Hyunsik watches Eunkwang bury his head in his arms against the high desk next to him. He removes his headphones and immediately winces at the noise. “Donggeun-ah posted a rap cover he did with Amber Liu. So the guys just started trying to outrap each other.”

“Isn’t Minhyuk-hyung _there_?”

“He’s on _their_ side today.”

“Oh, god.”

Hyunsik and Eunkwang hurry to the source of the racket, which was at the backmost units. Changsub, Sungjae, and Minhyuk are loudly rapping along to the YouTube video only _they_ could hear through their headphones. Hyunsik and Eunkwang bow in apology to the few customers they have, and they’re waved off like they’re used to it.

Changsub, confidently clad in a tracksuit, has a foot on his chair and he’s using his wireless mouse as a mic, Minhyuk’s still in his salesman suit as he throws around gang signs, veins straining in his neck as he raps his heart out, while an amused Sungjae is laughing his head off as he records everything through his phone. Hyunsik glances at Eunkwang and wonders if the expression on his face is annoyance or envy. He sighs.

“Yah, _yah_! Hyung, get down!”

Hyunsik moves past Minhyuk and clutches Changsub by the waist, easily carrying him down. Changsub’s still rapping as if nothing’s happening. Sungjae has tears in his eyes now and Hyunsik doubts if he’s still recording anything, with how he’s bent over, clutching his stomach.

Eventually, the song ends, and the trio calm down.

“Hyungie. Eunkwang-hyungie,” Changsub gasps, as he tiredly sits back on his chair. He holds onto Eunkwang’s sleeve, stopping him from going back to work. “I miss performing. With you.”

Hyunsik’s gone far ahead to hear what his head manager has to say in response. He has to go back to his station; he’s been away for too long now.

 _Brother Act_ is quiet again.

  
  
  
  


On his next off day, Ilhoon takes Hyunsik out. He complains that Hyunsik’s not going out and doing _enough_ , and Hyunsik doesn’t tell him he’s wrong. Even though he is.

Between shifts at _Brother Act_ , there are the occasional singing gigs for weddings or bars on a slow day, there’s looking for a job (barely; he’s learned in the past years that there is little out there for music production graduates with little experience and no connections), there’s looking after his dad and making sure he’s okay, and of course there’s the music. There’s always been the music, even in stolen minutes in the bathroom or waiting for his bus back home or the rare golden hours between 3 and 4 in the morning where a song makes itself.

But tonight is not yet that kind of night. Tonight is hard drinks, flashing lights, and watching Ilhoon perform. His bars are sure and confident and the crowd vibes to his voice.

“Good?” Ilhoon asks, after his set. He lets himself sink next to Hyunsik on the VIP couch he got reserved as a performer. All smiles and all praises for his stage, Hyunsik presses a cold glass of rum coke against the younger’s cheek. Ilhoon cracks an eye open. “Oh, you’ve got company.”

“Chungha,” she says, holding out a hand.

“Creative,” Ilhoon quips, taking it with a half-hearted shake. Hyunsik doesn’t miss the side-eye at the obviously fake name. He nudges Ilhoon beratingly, before offering an arm to her and leading her to the dance floor.

 

Later, in a taxi with Chungha draped across his chest, he gets a text from Ilhoon.

 _i dont take you out for hookups,_ it says.

 _i know,_ he messages back. Chungha stirs awake, and draws a finger across his chest. It feels like a name. She stares up at him with doe deer eyes, looking like she, too, is ready to forget. he finishes his message. _im not like you_. _im not a long-term commitment kind of guy_.

 

He wakes up the next morning in a small motel room, hours before his shift with Eunkwang begins. He sits up on the bed and glances at the naked body next to him, sprawled and warm and at peace. He’s looking at her for the first time. Hyunsik turns his attention to the ceiling and closes his eyes.

He braces himself to lie to Eunkwang's face through the day, but it doesn’t worry him too much. He's had a lot of practice. He rubs his face awake before picking up his phone. He has one unread message from Ilhoon.

 _youre hell of a lot like me, hyung_ , it says, _and you know it._

  
  
  
  


_My father was a singer_ , was the first thing Hyunsik ever said to Eunkwang. It was during their club’s welcome party for freshmen and Hyunsik maybe got a little tipsy, tongue a little loose. It so happened that he was sitting next to him, then.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Eunkwang’s sincerity, but Hyunsik talked to him about his father that night. About how he used to sell out every bar he had to play in. About how he could’ve been a big star if he hadn’t gotten his mother pregnant with his older brother. About how he was the only person in the world who ever believed that Hyunsik was born to make music.

 _Not ‘only’_ , Eunkwang said back then. _Just the first._ He had only heard Hyunsik sing once, but he sounded like he meant it.

“Hey. How’s your dad?” Eunkwang says as he takes the lunch set that Hyunsik delivers to his station. “Isn’t his birthday soon?”

“He’s… better. Getting by.” Hyunsik takes the seat next to him and puts his own lunch set on the station, ready for lunch.

“Say. You think we can we go visit this year?”

Hyunsik thinks of this morning, of his father: again too tired, too sad, too weighed down by the bright future he almost got to get out of bed. Mustering only enough strength to say, _Sik-ah, let your dad hear what you’ve been making._

“No,” he says, taking a large spoonful of food. “Not this year, hyung.”

 _Hey,_ Eunkwang had asked back then, during that party. _Guess who the second one is?_

Eunkwang reaches out and pats the back of his head wordlessly. Hyunsik lets him.

  
  
  
  
  


Minhyuk gets more insurance commissions that month than usual so he treats the group to a noraebang and drinks. Everyone is excited.

“I should say that I wish Donggeun-ah were here,” Changsub announces loudly as they settle into their private room. “But he’s doing well, that ass. Ya, Yook Sungjae. Take a photo of us and send it to the group chat. Show him what he’s missing.” He gathers the other four as Sungjae sets up his phone on top of the large TV screen, all the while complaining about Changsub bossing him around.

After the shot, the room descends into chaos. Ilhoon, Minhyuk, Eunkwang, and Sungjae begin an eager rendition of _Fantastic Baby_. In the midst of it, Changsub sits next to Hyunsik. He shows him their group photo, zooms into him.

“Nice smile,” he says cheekily. Hyunsik doesn’t miss the leer in his tone, and how he’s likely referring to Eunkwang sitting on his lap. Or one of it, at least. The other half of him is on Minhyuk. Changsub groans. “You know what makes it no fun teasing you?”

“I’m sorry I can’t give you the same reactions Sungjae does.” Hyunsik rolls his eyes and mutters _go away, please_. “Besides, look at Minhyuk-hyung. Looks like he won the lottery.”

“Your voice and words say you’re annoyed, but you’re smiling,” Changsub continues with a reprimanding tone, ignoring him. “You just keep smiling.”

 _Huh_. Hyunsik presses his lips into a thin line and nudges him. “You’re not _that_ annoying.”

“It’s not good for you,” Changsub says, finally. He pats Hyunsik on the shoulder before standing up and dancing his way into the center, stealing Seungri’s verse with passion. Hyunsik joins them shortly.

 

Hours later and everyone’s sung out of party songs. Ilhoon and Minhyuk are now doing emotional, broken-hearted love songs. With that as a backdrop, the rest of them talk over snacks and beer.

“I should’ve been an actor,” Sungjae contemplates loudly, slightly drunk. “Or a singer. An idol.” He peers at their faces. “We’re not so bad. We’d have made a good group. Maybe Donggeun-hyung wouldn’t have had to go stateside, too. He can do rap and write English lyrics for us. I’d be friends with Amber Liu, too. She’d like me. I know it.”

“I’d be happy being Gfriend’s manager,” Changsub offers. "What an honor."

“You creep,” Sungjae laughs. “I’ll call the police!”

“They’re just so good. So damn good!”

“ _I_ , for one, agree with Sungjae,” Minhyuk interjects after his part.

“Don’t fool yourselves,” Ilhoon announces over the mic. “I’m the only one with the face for it.” Someone throws him a chicken bone and he laughs loudly. They all start arguing about who can be who in the group.

Hyunsik and Eunkwang sit quietly beside each other.

“Hey,” Eunkwang says under his breath, and Hyunsik turns to find him still watching their friends argue dramatically. “You okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine, hyung. Kinda drunk.”

“You seem,” the older pauses. “A little sad.”

Even with alcohol, Hyunsik thinks that he knows _sad_ like the back of his hand. He lives with it, in a room that’s filled with music and a person where his father used to be. He grew up with it, inside a brother and a mother who stopped coming home one day. He tries to look at himself through Eunkwang’s eyes, and all he sees is him, doing okay, getting by.

Eunkwang turns to him. Hyunsik thinks he sees it in his hyung’s eyes, too, when he’s too tired or drunk to pretend otherwise. He sees _sad_ in the way Eunkwang sometimes gets a faraway look in his eyes, or when he catches himself singing in the backroom and stops guiltily. He heard it earlier, while Eunkwang sang with the rest of them, voice full of potential that has never quite given the chance it deserves. He hears it too, sometimes, when Eunkwang talks about his dad, says things like _He’s worked all his life for us, so I owe him this_.

“I’m fine,” Hyunsik says, simply. Eunkwang smiles at him kindly, the way he always does. He reaches across, holds Hyunsik’s hand, and gives it a light squeeze.

“Okay,” he agrees, letting go. “Okay.”

They end the night deciding that they’re _all_ part of the group, that Donggeun needs to come home, and that Eunkwang is their leader. In a different universe where they all still had their youths to give.

  
  
  
  
  


“You sure these are all the documents I need to file the taxes for the quarter?” Eunkwang asks. It’s almost midnight and they’re on overtime inside the manager’s room while the part-timers take care of work outside.

Hyunsik goes over the papers spread on the table and compares it to the checklist in his hand. Once done, he gives Eunkwang an OK sign.

“We’re safe this month,” Eunkwang announces tiredly. “We need to up sales a little, though. I don’t feel comfortable with this small profit. And it’s sad but I think we’ll need to let one of our part-timers go… we don’t get much business at night and we’re one person too many.” He leans forward and rubs his face tiredly.

Hyunsik hovers, shifting weight from foot to foot, before asking, “Are things that bad?”

“No!” Eunkwang waves the worries off. “No. Just that, the mushroom business isn’t doing too well. He might need to cut it off.”

“It’s only been less than half a year”

Eunkwang sighs an _I know_ under his breath. It takes him a moment, but he shrugs. He stands up and starts filing the papers.

“I’ll do mascot duty this time,” Hyunsik offers.

This finally makes Eunkwang laugh. “You’ll _scare_ them away, Hyunsik-ah. But flyering is a good idea. Think you can do some rounds at the nearby university? I’ll go and see if Donggeun-ah can help us update the poster he made.”

“Sure. I can go anytime this week. You sure you don’t want me to bring out the kimbap mascot? It needs a good wash...”

“They’ll like it better if they see your face. You’re a handsome guy, Im Hyunsik-ssi.” Eunkwang tilts his head to the side, and he's brimming with sincerity and Hyunsik feels a little like he wants to cry. "I'm glad you're here."

“You, too, hyung,” Hyunsik replies, and he feels how wide his smile is. “Things’ll get better. They will.”

“Well, we’re here, and we just gotta. Keep going.” Eunkwang grins, before going back to work. “Keep going, keep going, keep going,” he sing-songs.

  
  
  
  
  


**shin donggeun**

 

_hyunsik-hyung._

 

_hey_

_whats up_

 

_are you free these days?_

 

_why_

 

_amber knows someone_

_who’s looking for a composer_

_it’s not like a full-time deal though_

_it’s for one album song, a unit ballad_

 

_donggeun_

_what_

 

_okay so listen_

_i kind of showed her your soundcloud_

_her friend liked it and said it sounds like what they’re looking for_

  


_hyung?_

 

_sorry, i just_

_this is_   _really_ _big_

 

_it is,_

_this could be good for you._

  
  
  
  
  


Eunkwang is over the moon when he hears about it. He immediately demands for Hyunsik to use his vacation days, but Hyunsik declines.

“They know what they want, hyung,” he explains, feeling excited, himself. “The theme, the image, the feel of it. I just have to kind of. Put things together. Besides, you’ll let me use the backroom unit, won’t you?”

“Yah! What do you take me for?” Eunkwang asks, hitting Hyunsik’s shoulder and making an exaggerated hurt face. “Of course! _Mi casa es su casa_ , compose the heck out of that song! When the song becomes a hit, you have to let me advertise with it!”

Hyunsik claims the backroom unit for himself. He’s made a small set up in there, with a blanket and his electronic keyboard. Eunkwang had been gracious enough not to charge him, and Hyunsik promises that he’ll stay for a week, ten days tops.

On the first night, they eat dinner together in the backroom’s pantry area before Hyunsik starts on his song. They talk about the old days, about Changsub’s antics during busking, about their favorite sets and songs, about days that all feel like a lifetime away.

“I miss performing with you,” Hyunsik finds the courage to say that day. When Eunkwang’s smile falters for a fraction of a second, panic rises in Hyunsik’s chest. “Hyung. Wasn’t that fun? Don’t you want to go back? I heard Changsub-hyung tell you the same thing and I-”

“Hyunsik-ah,” Eunkwang says patiently.

“Will this ever _end_?”

“I hope not,” he replies easily. “Hey, look. I’ve put so much work into this, Hyunsik-ah. I served the military early so I can focus on whatever the family business was going to be. Dad worked so hard on this, you know that. It was years before it took off. You were there. _You're here_.”

“You love singing,” Hyunsik said, voice low.

Eunkwang reaches across the table and pats Hyunsik’s cheek. He smiles at him, and Hyunsik learns that he doesn't feel like lying tonight, or in the days that follow.

“I love this more.”

  
  
  
  
  


He finishes the first draft of the song in a week. It’s almost 3 AM and he stretches in his chair, joints cracking in relief. He's tired, but the full kind of tired, and there's just one more thing he needs to do.

He was told to make a love song for fall, and he decides to write a happy one. He writes about how it is to watch your world grow cold while holding someone’s hand.

Eunkwang finds him there, sitting still with eyes drinking up the screen. He brought instant coffee with him, and puts it on the desk.

“Hyung,” Hyunsik begins, before the other makes his leave. He looks up to meet Eunkwang’s curious gaze.

“The vocal guide,” he continues, his voice sure. “Please sing it with me.”

“We talked about this-”

Hyunsik reaches out to take his hand, cutting Eunkwang off midway. He grips it tight.

“I wanted you to hear it first.”

He recognizes fear on Eunkwang’s face and for a moment, he’s terrified, too. Of making the wrong decisions, of being too selfish, of wanting something that maybe isn’t for him. He isn't used to this.

Then Eunkwang squeezes his hand.

“Okay,” he says quietly, voice shaking a little. “Let’s do it.”

  
  
  
  


The world shifts back into place after Hyunsik sends the final draft of the song. _Brother Act_ falls into its usual routine. On the outside, things appear the same - his father still hasn’t gone out of bed, Eunkwang’s has decided to venture into recycled paper production, the rest of the boys still cannot stay still - but Hyunsik knows that everything has changed.

It only takes a nudge to break the inertia of the familiar.

“Hyung,” he calls out from the control station, and Eunkwang looks up from sweeping the floor. He gestures for him to come, and Eunkwang jogs to him.

“Aish,” he groans, when Hyunsik motions for him to come inside the station. Eunkwang follows, entering the enclosed space as he complains, “I bet it’s the system again. I knew I should’ve updated that last week! God, but it takes two hours to complete… ”

He’s sitting next to him now in front of their main computer terminal, hand on the mouse as he clicks around in confusion. “Hey, there’s nothing--”

Hyunsik grins and holds his free hand from under the table.

The clicking stops for a moment, and he watches the back of Eunkwang’s ears and neck flush red slowly. Hyunsik wonders if his face is doing the same.

“I guess I better update it _now_ then,” Eunkwang grumbles indignantly. Like always, he holds Hyunsik back.

  
  
  
  


**end**

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [the love song of j. alfred prufrock by t.s. eliot](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/44212/the-love-song-of-j-alfred-prufrock)


End file.
